A new season

The more things change, the more they remain the same, or do they?

In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful

The age of my oldest child is nowhere near a reflection of my marriage experience. And my idea of time has changed over the years. And motherhood is exactly that, a hood. SubhanAllah!

I love to study, and Allahumma barik, I enjoy it. They say that motherhood usually coincides with your rising career, but I beg to differ. While many find that their children's early years align with climbing the ranks in their professional life, mine coincides with a different kind of journey— seeking ilm. It is also not necessarily a rising because some days, my test scores place me down in the gutters.

This path is not one that I anticipated, but it is one I desperately want to embrace wholeheartedly. Instead of corporate ladders and career milestones, my days are filled with lessons, note-taking and late-night study sessions, quizzes and exams and me asking my classmates to explain to me what the teacher said like I am 2 years old. And sometimes, I ask the teacher too, I practice it a few times before I say it out loud, “Shaykh please could you explain that like I am 2 years old”

All while tending to the needs of my family, and the community.

I am constantly switching between my roles — from mother to student, from teacher to learner. And some moments, there is no switching. I am all of it at the same time, in that one moment.

As my children watch as I balance the weight of my schedule with the weight of their needs (whether emotional - and this changes ever so often as they grow; educational - curriculum/homeschool planning and letter B says /b/, plus moments of “mummy come and play with me”, spiritual, physical, social etc) and perhaps, through this, they learn their first lessons in resilience, dedication, relationships, and the pursuit of knowledge. I hope they learn humility and see the importance of consistency, being, doing, learning and seeking. My children see my struggles and my triumphs, not in the boardroom, but in the quiet moments of reflection, the anxiety of exams, when I have to read to Shayk or Ustadha in class, in the nights spent in prayer, and in the joy of discovering new knowledge. I pray they learn to do for Allah and desperately plead with Allah to accept from them.

And I keep saying, “I hope they learn” but the truth is I hope I learn too.

Motherhood and this seeking, has come together in a way that has reshaped my entire perspective on living, success and achievement. I pray that they see me not just as a mother but as a seeker, a student, a teacher, someone who is always striving to grow, to learn, to evolve.

And maybe this is the best of it.

Perhaps the greatest career I could have is the one that doesn't involve a corporate title but a deeper understanding of faith, of life, of love and of service.

So, while my motherhood hasn't aligned with a rising corporate career, it has coincided with something far more profound: a journey towards a greater understanding of my faith, a path that enriches not just my life but the lives of my children.

SubhanAllah! Life can change in a heart beat. Please keep me and my family in your du'a.